Is it time to break up with your coach?

The coach-client relationship is like any other relationship. In order for it to fully thrive the client and the coach need to be intellectually compatible, emotional compatible and creatively compatible. But also need the right circumstances. Now what do I mean with that?

When I talk about intellectual compatibility I mean that a coach should stimulate your mind, you should be able to learn from them, but they should also be able to learn from you. When a client stimulates my mind, makes me think and teaches me something about myself as a coach as I walk out of that session energised.

Emotional compatibility means that you are both able to make each other better people. Both you and your coach show up and actively grow together. I often see my clients at their most vulnerable, the only way to do that is by actively holding space for them, but also by being vulnerable myself. We mutually create a safe space for both of us to thrive as people which makes us a better client and coach.

Creative compatibility is about how you create your lessons and sessions together. A lesson or coaching session isn’t just me teaching something and my client learning something, it’s a collaboration. We work together to create the session that will fulfil us both.

Those three components are essential for a coach client relationship to thrive. You can still have a good lesson when you have one or two of those three, but for a great coaching session you need all three.

Now what about the right circumstances? You might find the perfect coach, but they might live on the other side of the world, they might be fully booked or they are too expensive.

As a coach I have had clients I am not be compatible with at all. It took me a little while, but I no longer take that personal at all. It’s got nothing to do with me as a coach or them as a client, we just didn’t mesh well enough for it to be sustainable. As a clients they will probably not book in again and that is perfectly fine.

Clients I am compatible with on one or two levels tend to stay for a little while, but they will probably move to someone else once they have learned all they can from me.

Then I have clients who are compatible with me on all three levels but the circumstances don’t match up. They may not have the funds, the time, can’t make online coaching happen or they feel like they need a break for a little while to see what else is out there.

And then I have clients who are compatible and who match up in terms of circumstances. Those are the clients who have been with me for years. Some of them have had a break but came back when they were ready again, after which they are welcomed back with open arms. I belief there is a lot of value in having a new set of eyes once in a while, so I always encourage them to go to clinics or have lessons with other coaches if they desire to do so. Now if at any one point they feel that we no longer match up they are more then welcome to break up with me.

Just because it ends doesn’t mean that it wasn’t a good client-coach relationship. I am always so proud when I see one of the kids I used to teach at the start of my career doing well as (young) adults, cause how amazing is it to have been part of that journey.